As I embark on the celebration of my 9th year of marriage to the funniest, smartest, most ageless person I've ever met, I think about all of the things that we've achieved through love. As corny as it sounds, that is really the key ingredient to a successful marriage. Some might say patience, compromise, or trust is the most important facet in in a partnership like ours, but I truly feel that those traits are borne of love. You can't have any of those things if you do not know/have/feel love for your spouse.
Love is obviously part of any marriage, but I can honestly say that I feel like ours might hold more than most. There's a togetherness and camaraderie that only a husband and wife could share. I CHOSE him. He CHOSE me. We CHOSE to have our girls. The old adage says, "You can't choose your family." On the contrary, that's exactly what we did. It's a gift when we can look at the world that we created together, and know it exists because we fell in love.
This choice is something I revel in daily. We are blessed to have a love and two children to nurture and we don't take those gifts for granted...usually. I'm not going to lie and say that we don't lament over the purchase of the starter home in which we still reside or other decisions we could have benefited by having a crystal ball when making. Our life is FAR from perfect. But I can't think of another life that would make me happier. Although big piles of money would be nice.
Make no mistake, we are not one of those gross couples that sit on the same side of the booth when on a date. *disclaimer: if you are part of a said "gross couple," I'm sorry. No offense. That scene in Date Night when Tina Fey and the dude who does Gru's voice in Despicable Me are laughing at other couples eating at the restaurant making up their voices was taken out of the Kerr playbook. I'm not very good at voicing my love or gratitude, especially publicly, but I try to demonstrate it through little things- I'm super goal and task oriented, and it shows in every facet of my life. I'm a control FREAK. I can be mean. I can go completely insane due to crumbs on my counter or toys on the floor. I hate myself for it, but my husband loves me in spite of it. He affectionately refers to me as the "cleaning gremlin."
I feel stupid when I do something on a whim. I don't do anything I'm not 100% comfortable with if I think someone might see. I'm self conscious. I take myself too seriously, and I know it. I'm bad at giving gifts to my husband. Although I totally scored this year with some vintage comic books, including an Avengers edition from his birth year. HOLLA! He knows this about me; he embraces it. We joke about it, and our love is stronger because we know each others' strengths and weaknesses.
My husband is not like me at all. He has no problem making anyone feel loved. He's impetuous, spur of the moment, and virtually my opposite. Showing love or having fun doesn't make him feel awkward or stupid. He doesn't feel like what he does quantifies the amount of love he has for someone. He just does it and trusts that his instincts pay off. He doesn't need a list to feel like he's accomplished something. This is a quality I'm super jealous he possesses and I don't. He's the good cop. I snicker in another room when he gets haired off at the kids because it just never happens.
He's also an amazing gift getter. He listens even when I think he doesn't. He finds things that he knows I'll use, he finds things he knows I'll wear. He finds things he knows I'll cherish. I'll be honest- I could be a professional shopper FOR A LIVING and there were things I got for Christmas this year that I didn't know were in existence. Enter pink cheetah print pillow for iPad viewing and glass locket with meaningful gemstones. EEK!
The point is, this time of year makes me reflect not just because of Christmas and the recognized season of giving. On New Years Eve we CHOSE each other nine years ago. That is a gift that at times we each have wanted to return or exchange, even if only for a moment. But, the thing is, when you love someone there's no such thing as a refund or store credit. That gift has the potential to fluctuate in value as the years wear on. You change individually in body, mind, experience, spirit, and in other ways I don't even know of yet. You change as a pair with the passing of time, the birth of children, and the living of life in general. The value of that relationship, if you're doing it right, doesn't depreciate. It doesn't go on clearance. It's worth more at the end than at the beginning. So, I won't be turning that gift in for the mark down price. I'll hang onto it. I'm sure the value is worth it's weight in gold.
