I Hope You Choose to Be Santa Too

The day that all parents dread (maybe this is a bit over dramatic) has arrived.  My child, my BABY, who proves to me on the daily that she is not a baby at all, came to me with a straight face today and asked me if Santa was real.  I could tell that she was conflicted.  She wanted me to say yes, but she also wanted me to say no.  She wanted to cling to the hope and belief of something that she has never seen, but she also didn't want me to insult her intelligence when she knows good and well that the whole idea just isn't possible.  This was my chance, my opportunity.  But, just like anyone who isn't prepared to shatter the dreams of a child, I flipped it back to her, asked, "What do you think?" and ran off to take a shower while the baby napped.

The entire time, I thought about what my kids believe and why they believe it.  I don't want them to think that I'm a huge sneak and an incredible fraud.  In fact, eventually, I do want them to know how hard we work to make the holidays magical for them.  Maybe this question, if answered correctly, could even relieve me of my Elf on the Shelf duties.

I one hundred percent believe in preserving my children's innocence.  I'm sorry.  I do.  I think the world needs more of that.  But, I also don't want my 11 year-old to be the only kid in her class believing in Santa and vehemently arguing with her friends about whether or not he exists and getting made fun of by kids at school.

I can also clearly recall discovering that my suspicions were correct when I was in the third grade. I was terrified to tell my mother that I gotten up and saw the station wagon leave and return several times. I had heard the rustle of the packages being placed under the tree.  I knew the truth, and the magic was lost for me.  My daughter is three years older than that. I don't want her to lose her sense of wonder, but I struggle with how long to let the naivete go on. This question is important and I need to be truthful because lying to her in this vulnerable, earth-shattering moment will set the tone for all serious talks from here on out as she grows up.  I want her to be able to ask me anything. If I am not honest with her, she won't be honest with me.

But, I grappled the whole time I shampooed and throughout the rest of the day. How can I tell her the truth but make it positive?  How can I show her that there can still be magic in the ordinary?  How can I answer her question without breaking her heart?  The answer never came.  I miraculously avoided having it brought up again for the rest of the day.

As I lay in bed, trying to sleep, it came to me.

This is what I should have told her:

Santa is the spirit of giving and the magic that happens at Christmastime.  He isn't a human.  He's a feeling.

Santa is the bated breath of every child who anxiously wrestles with whether or not to fall asleep while listening for sleigh bells and footsteps on Christmas Eve.

Santa is the baking, the cookies, the food, the family, the laughter, and the togetherness of the holidays.

Santa is the miracle of a Christmas for a family who wouldn't have one otherwise.  He is the generosity of a stranger helping another human.

Santa is believing in something that you cannot see.

Your parents might be Santa.  Your teacher might be Santa.  Your grandma might be Santa. A perfect stranger might be Santa.  I hope you choose to be Santa too.

Let's see how I handle this tomorrow.

Happy Holidays!

Becoming the Bullocks

I don’t know why every time one of my sisters gets married I end up awake at 2:00 am thinking about them and the fact that there is no way they are old enough to be getting married. You will always be 12 in my mind, and I find that part of my life hard to accept.

Being the oldest sister with lots of life experience is something that I don’t really tout about, but I feel like it’s a trick I can pull out of my back pocket whenever I need to guide one of my younger sisters in the right direction. I’ve always felt a sense of duty toward all three of you-I wanted to be a good example. I wanted to play sports and get good grades, be a model student, a model citizen, the perfect teen for you to aspire to be. That meant doing everything right, or at least as far as you knew.

Being adult while your siblings are teens and children is interesting. Again, I wanted to show you just how good I could be. I wanted you to see me in the best light, letting you have sleepovers at my apartment, taking you places, and showing you how great life was as an adult. I was a college graduate and wife by the time I was 22. I was balancing a full-time teaching career and being a mom at 24. I tried to hold it all together and balance it just so, because again, I wanted to show you that you can have it all. You can do it all. But, what I didn’t want to let on was that it was HARD.

Some people have an easier time that others admitting that they are challenged or struggling. I am not the first person to ask for help or to tell others that I’m floundering. Or at least that’s how I used to be. The part about being an example that has taken me the longest to figure out is that being vulnerable and sharing your struggles makes you a more approachable, endearing person. But, now, at the age of 35, juggling a more demanding job, an 11 year-old girl-tween, a 6 year-old sassy-pants, and two year old tornado, I can use all the help I can get. There’s been plenty of times when I’ve had to call on my reinforcements-and you’ve always been one of them..

As time has passed, I have learned to find humor in the eye of the hurricane, because honestly, I spent my entire twenties melting down in puddles of tears over all the things I was trying to deal with on my own or thinking that I needed to do perfectly, or wishing that someone would help me do (but never asking), and it didn’t make me a better mom, wife, sister, daughter, or friend.

So, on your wedding day, as you start this new chapter of your life, I want you to know that, yes, being a newlywed is an exciting time, and you will look back on these days with fond memories and feelings. But, I can honestly tell you, it isn’t my favorite part of my life. My favorite part of my marriage and my life is right now. In medias res-in the middle of things, two weeks away from being 13 years into married life. I’ve never been busier. My husband has never been busier. We lament about the good ol’ days and how we used to think we were busy 12 years ago. But there is something beautiful about finding that someone and sticking it out even when times get tough. And trust me, there are plenty of ways it will get tough. Let me honest with you about all the things that I probably never told you before:

Something will go wrong that you just can’t fix on your own. Your dryer will break, your hot water heater will leak, a mouse or bat will make it in, or you might have to jack up your house and put in a new subfloor and tile half of your downstairs in one weekend. It won’t be funny when it happens, but you will look back at those times and laugh about it. You’ll look at each other and smile because you survived it, together.

Money will get tight. If you’re not experiencing this in the wedding planning stage, God Bless. I don’t mean to scare you, but it will probably get worse before it gets better. (See bullet above). You will figure it out, but know that you need to be honest with one another if things get rough. Don’t swallow it and try to keep secrets. Be on the same page here always.

If you decide to have a family, your life and your sleep patterns will change forever. You will see your spouse in a completely different light. You’ll probably struggle with the balance of new parenthood and who is in charge of what. You’ll probably be a little more on edge and maybe bicker a bit more just because you’re figuring it all out. But I swear to you, the love you feel for your significant other will be multiplied by more than I can describe the minute you see them with your child. Your heart will be bursting. I’m crying just thinking about it. The feeling doesn’t get old either. I’m on kid #3 and the feeling is more true every time.

You’re going to have to deal with drama. Maybe not full-on high school drama, but your husband or wife has feelings and emotions and is entitled to that, but so are you. You might find that there are some people that set one of you off and the other isn’t really affected. You might notice that your spouse gets irritated by one of your family members. You have to talk about it and figure out how to maneuver through. Don’t take everything personally. This is truly the thing I struggle with the most and it’s taken me the longest to figure out. Those feelings and emotions? Guess what? They’re not your problem unless you’re causing them or they are your own.

Treat your time together like a hot commodity. One thing that I can say that we didn’t appreciate or relish enough in the early parts of our marriage was our time together. Now, we value our time both with just the two of us and with all five of us on a whole new level. We actually guard it. Sometimes that means saying no to other plans. Sometimes that means deciding as a partnership that you can’t go to four Thanksgivings and five Christmases every year.

You’re going to get irritated. That’s life. But the thing about being married to someone who really knows you and loves you is that they can see it happening and they try to help. This means that he’s shoving the kids out the door and taking them to school to give you a break, or she’s grabbing the broom to sweep up the fifteenth bowl of snacks that has been spilled on the floor for today, or maybe you just rock back and forth with each other in the kitchen while one of you cries.

Life isn’t perfect. Marriage isn’t perfect. There are a hundred moments every day and a thousand things every week that equal out to the millions of things that will make up your life together. A lot of it will be HARD. But I promise you both, if you believe and trust in each other, you’ll look back on all the times you struggled and you’ll figure out a way to smile. Having someone there with you with makes it all worth it.

I am so very excited that you have met your match. Enjoy all the little things-they really do turn into the big things in the end. Happy Happily Ever After! <3