I've been avoiding this post all day. As I held my baby in my arms last night as he slept, I thought, "how much longer?" Will he let me do this for another week, a month, a year? No matter how long, it will come and go so quickly. Then, I'll wake up one morning and try to think of the last time I held him as his little eyes closed, and I won't remember.
This boy has taught me so much...he has changed me in days my girls haven't. I'm not sure if it's advanced maternal age this time, REALLY being my last baby, or being outnumbered, but I am a different mother now. Aside from his week one ER visit, I don't freak out (as much). I tried to buy the cheap diapers. I haven't shown him how to use silverware. I skip hair washing. I let him crawl. At school. I snuggle him as much as he will allow, I fall asleep with him in my arms. We don't cry it out. I'm okay with all of it because this too shall pass. Time is something I wish was editable. I have seen how fast the baby stage goes two other times and I tried my very best to treasure it this time. Hold it. Keep it. Soak it in.
No matter how impossible it seems, somehow a whole year has passed since I called my sister to stay the night because I thought I MIGHT have a baby in the next day or two and I wanted someone with me in case we had to leave in the middle of the night. I cleaned my garage, my car, got my oil changed, ate all of my craving foods, got groceries, put a bag in the car, and sent Bill to the volleyball game. He got home, went to bed, and I submitted college assignments a week ahead of time. I felt funny, went to the bathroom and my water broke. I went to wake my husband up and we flipped back the covers and revealed that instead of pajamas, he was fully dressed, with socks, just in case. By 10:11 p.m. we were leaving for Bad Axe, going at what I'm sure are record speeds, and got pulled over on the way there.
It felt like a bad sitcom-
Bill's yellow sweatshirt waving the policeman over, grimacing through contractions, and when asked if I needed an ambulance, I growled "NOT IF YOU LET US GO!" The whole ride was full of visions of delivering the baby in the car, wrecking the interior, Bill passing out...or being a closet EMT or Douala. It could have gone either way.
And at 11:48 p.m. my precious boy had arrived. He is the perfect example of everything happening for a reason. He has brought a joy and balance to our family I never imagined and has filled a place in my heart I never knew existed. Happy first birthday, Wild Man!
#WilderRussell
#wildman
#oneyearold
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